The One With Responsibility

I got a phone call last Sunday from my AP saying that I was going to train and white wash an area!! When I got that I was super excited but just about threw up from fear. This week I got my new comp and area and it has been super hard but good!! My companion's name is Hermana Reyes and she is from Campeche! She is 23 and very put together so it doesn't feel like I'm her mom in the mission at all hahaha. She is a convert of about a year and her testimony is super strong! Our new area is a little pueblo called Nealtican. There is an active volcano in our mission called Popocatepetl and we are right next to it!! Don't be too stressed out, lava isn't pouring out from it...much ;) But it does always have smoke clouds coming out so it looks really cool!! Nealtican is really small but there are a lot of members!! Everyone here calls it "mini Utah" because everyone here is either a member or has family members who are members. When I got here I was stressed but I had confidence in my memorization skills that I could learn quickly the names of the big wigs in the ward. Come to find out I don't just have one ward, BUT THREE! Needless to say I'm kind of dying...But all is well!! The first day I got to Nealtican I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, I'm not gonna lie. I felt a lot of pressure to do everything perfectly. I had to train. I have a new area. We have 3 wards. I still know not a word of Spanish. I don't know anyone in my district. My companion doesn't like Christmas and I don't know anyone here so I am stressed about that and I just was feeling very alone and very sad about my life. It was the first time in my mission that I really cried and just wanted to give up and go home. This week I (finally) got my Christmas package from my parents! My family made an advent calendar for me (they're straight angels I know) and so every day until Christmas I have a gift. I got the package on the 15 of Decemeber, so I had 15 little gifts to open! I started to open the gifts which were filled with little nick nacks and Christmas things. But each little gift also had a letter. I remember when I was home I was forced to write letters to all of my siblings and cousins who were on their missions. I always thought, "this is so dumb. I don't know what to say and I highly doubt that a letter from me will change their day." But let me tell ya, I was reading those letters, and every single one made me cry! I felt SO loved!! I remember reading one of my cousins and his card had a drawn swirl and said "Merry Christmas love Jayden." But this homie spelt his own name wrong and scribbled it out then rewrote his name. I was laughing and crying and I felt so much love for him in this moment. I was thinking about how I love so many people and how sad I was that I can't be home with them. After 5 minutes of crying, I felt dumb and decided that I needed a change of perspective. Instead of thinking how I can't be with them, I began thinking about how lucky I am to be so close with so many amazing people. There are so many people with nothing and I have been blessed with so many people in my life!! I'm SO luckyyyy!! Just know that I love you all so much and I'm so grateful and pray for you guys all the time! I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and enjoy it whenever you are!!